From a Mother's Heart

I am very blessed to have a healthy, handsome, and very active two year old boy. I love him beyond words and he brings so much joy. In the past few weeks my mind has began to wander. What if....

*We got pregnant again

*We have a little girl

*We adopted

These thoughts come into my mind daily and not quite sure why I have been contemplating them so much. Matt has not brought up any of these "what if" scenarios. I don't want to press any one of them because I am waiting for God to speak to both of us. It took us nearly a year to get pregnant with Kaden and then another what if came to mind "what if the second time is much harder." I did not want to think about that but my heart ached simply thinking about it. 

 Last week I came across an adorable Juicy Couture crib blanket for a little girl, I swooned, and I cried!!! Yes I cried. It was not tears of happiness. Matt reminded me by saying "WE HAVE A BOY!" I cried even more there at the store and the poor sales associate looked at me strangely. She might not have seen a grown woman break down and cry in front of her. Needless to say I did not make that purchase 

I am a mom that would love to have the joy of having a son and a daughter. But, the thought of having two boys and yet no daughter I cry at that thought. So now you know that I have been crying quite a bit and yes I sound selfish and I'm trying to control my future but you can't help but wonder. I will remind myself of how blessed I am and it gives me hope that no matter what my blessings surpass any of my current "what if"!